I make the best websites. Everybody agrees. It's incredible. I don't even try hard, and all the other websites admit that mine's the best. So many awards. Huge recognition.
Facebook? More like Fake-Book. Losers. Sad! Sure, I have a Twitter. I wish I didn't have to, but everybody's asking for it. Just like LinkedIn, which of course is just a fake version of my incredible résumé. So amazing. And then there's my blog. From where I stand, it looks like one, one and a half million people hitting that daily. Biggest site on the internet. Really amazing. And you know what they say about people with huge websites, right? Right, everybody agrees. Best website.
Aside from running all these incredible sites, I'm also an Infrastructure Security Architect. Piece of cake, nothing to it. I also teach the best graduate classes in System Administration and Advanced Programming in the UNIX Environment at Stevens Institute of Technology. Incredible!
Then there's my code, which everybody agrees is amazing. I could write more stuff, absolutely, and if I did, it'd be impressive. Bigly. Much like my presentations, for which I've received numerous awards, I believe. Shelves and shelves of awards. You should email me what impressed you the most. I read the best emails. I'm so good a reading emails, I, like, have a very good brain.
I wonder what things will be like when I grow up.
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